It may be a good idea to spend some time alone with yourself to figure out what gets you excited. When you masturbate there is a lot less pressure to “perform” Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and explore.
First step is find your clitoris for most women this is the key to orgasm. It is a marble shaped organ right above the lips of your vagina. (See diagram of the vulva) when stimulated it becomes engorged with blood and rather hard. When you reach orgasm it softens.
A vibrator is a wonderful sexual aid in reaching orgasm but if you don’t have one, or are not ready, there are many ways to masturbate from touching with your fingers, to using a removable shower head and putting a direct spray of water on the clitoris, or rubbing your clitoris against a blanket or pillow.
If you do not feel you are able to masturbation and want to reach an orgasm with a partner, communication is key. You need to talk about what it is you like, how you like it, and be able to guide someone when they are doing something that does not work. You can do this is a gentle; supportive way by showing them which can be erotic for them as well. At first the goal should be exploration, not climax.
Foreplay is extremely important for women to reach orgasm, and not just physical foreplay but emotional foreplay. Having a person attentive to your emotional needs can help you relax and that is what is all about. An orgasm's not going to be happening if you have your mind on something else-bills, is my ass too fat, and is that the baby crying? Or the orgasm itself "Is this it? Am I doing it right?"
Try to be in the moment enjoy the physical sensations and do not try for an orgasm just let it happen. It might take a few attempts but the more relaxed you get with your body and yourself, the easier it will be.
There are other reason you might not be able to reach orgasm and they are rare, but real-diabetes, hormonal imbalance, arthritis.
Talk to your doctor about this. Just be aware that sometimes doctors are very dismissive when it comes to sexual issues and do not see it as a possible medical condition. If they say something like, "Keep working at it!" Don't be discouraged. This is when you need a thick skin and say, "I would like to know if there are some physical possibilities and be tested for them."
More common are also emotional and mental blocks to orgasm including, rape, molestation, assault and incest. These issues are real and need to be addressed with a professional if you feel they are standing in your way to being able to relax during sex and reach climax.
